If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy, I could've won.

Mumford and Sons, I officially love you.
I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I'm so apathetic. I don't care about anything. Well, that's not true. I care about my school work when it's not getting done, like right now. I have to finish my play. But why should I? What is the point of finishing a story that's tired and unoriginal when nobody's going to read it? Because of a grade, I know. But I can't see any way out of this whole mess. And it's not even a mess. My life is stable and I haven't grievously offended anyone important lately. So why do I feel like I want to go to sleep and never wake up?
I'm just so tired and uninterested in everything. I feel like I could sleep for a week straight.
I'm so stupid. How could I think that my mediocre play would ever be produced? I'm not a drama kid. I'm not in any drama classes except Play Writing, and that doesn't even count. That means that I am automatically excluded from everything drama department at my school, unless I want to come see a play. And I've seen a lot of the ones they've produced since I got to Apollo. But none of that matters, because to be involved a play you need to be in the class, and I can't get in the class. I've been trying since freshman year, but it never "fit with my schedule". I feel like everything could have gone different if I'd been in drama instead of or hell, in addition to band and academic team.
And the only reason I'm upset about this at all is because one of my friends told me that someone in drama had written an original play and was maybe going to produce it as the spring play. Which is a really really really stupid thing to be upset about, because I never had any indication that my play would be even read by more that the few unfortunates who peer-edited it and my teacher. So why did I think that maybe, somehow, something awesome would happen and my play would be picked? Hell, not even as the main spring production. There's supposed to be a Fine Arts Festival at my school, and my teacher said she would think about maybe picking her favorite(s) from the playwriting class and having them performed, maybe. So that's where I got the idea, I guess. But I've been playing it out in my head since then, mentally casting different people from school into roles and even using that to help dialogue. So that was bad on my part. But I couldn't have gotten as far as I have without having so-and-so actually saying different lines in my head. And that should have just been a writing tool, but my stupid brain took it farther and actually started imagining how cool it would be to be "the girl who wrote that awesome play". Even though it's not awesome. I wanted to be known. "Wow, she wrote that play? It was pretty good. And she's a high schooler?" "Yeah, she wrote that. Pretty cool, huh?"
And now I'm shivering. I'm cold, but that's not why I'm shivering. Sometimes when I get nervous or anxious or distressed about something, I shiver like crazy. It's maddening, because I'll be talking to that guy or confronting that bitch and I'll start to shiver. Well, not shiver, but kind of tremble-y in my stomach and shoulders. It's not noticeable, I don't think, but it makes me feel stupid. I hate my body. I hate my town. I hate my school and I hate that I hate it all.