I know I don't have to blog for English anymore, but I kind of liked it. It won't be anything regular; I'll probably just post when I don't have anything better to do, or when I'm avoiding math homework. Dang, the first day of school and already I'm slacking.
I think I'd like video blogging. I talk to myself a lot (don't look at me like that). It's not that I have legit conversations with myself, it's like I'm planning a conversation I could sometime have with someone. I guess it makes more sense if you think of me talking to the random audience that video bloggers talk to when they do their thing. Anyway, so I'll just sit there thinking to this imaginary person/people and not get anything done. Does anyone else do that?
Anyway, I'm avoiding pre-calc homework. And I'm really starting the school year off well by not making bed before midnight. YESSSSSS
This year my philosophy has changed a bit, though. CHA is really to thank for that. I changed so much during those 3 weeks, but the funny thing is that I didn't realize how different I was until I came home and started interacting with the people I knew before I went away. I used to be so meek and timid and really self-deprecating, I guess, and I don't do that much anymore. It's a change of attitude. I used to be kind of passive about things that went on in my life and ever since CHA I've taken charge more. I tell people what I want instead of hemming and hawing and insinuating what I want with the hope that they will read my mind and know. I guess that's really what I wanted--someone to read my mind, because I made this up this dumb idea that if someone really loves me or likes me, they will automatically know everything about me and know what I'm thinking and I won't have to tell them. It's not really dumb, it's just hugely misguided. For me, anyway. Nobody's going to know what I'm thinking unless I tell them or show them. Really, it's up to me to make myself understood, not just sit around and wait for someone to come "discover" me. I have to get up and put myself out there, which I wasn't doing before I spent the best 3 weeks of my life at Murray with the coolest people I've ever met. I miss it so much, but I'm past the point of sitting and crying because it's over. I miss it hugely, and I acknowledge that, but that's not helping anything. Missing it won't make it come back. Nothing I can say or do will ever take me back to those 3 fantastic weeks where I made great friends and learned so much. So, I'm going to focus on using what I learned there to make my life back here in Owensboro better and not just sitting there letting it go to waste because I miss it. Missing all my friends won't magically transport me to where they are, and it won't bring us all back together one more time. There's the reunion in September, but it's the same day as our home marching band competition and I don't know if I'll be able to make it. I want to go, more than anything, but I have to be here for my band, as well. I'll figure it out, I know that. But back to the point. Instead of moping and crying because my friends aren't around me right now, I want to use what they taught me about myself to make things better for me and for my friends here. I know this sounds hugely cheesy and corny and whatnot, but I honestly don't care, because, like the end of band camp this year, this is real. It's not fake like so many other interactions every single on of us go through every day over and over again. Kissing up to a teacher because you want a better grade. Pretending to sympathize with a girlfriend over her boyfriend troubles when you don't care. Making conversation with people you can't stand because none of your friends are anywhere close. We all do stuff like this, and I'm not saying that it's not necessary, because it is. But things like my marching band and CHA and TIP and all these awesome things aren't like that. They're real.
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